Anxiety: A Tale of Two Me’s

My Instagram friend, Amanda (@momof1anddone) and I went live the other night to talk about our anxiety. She shared something that she learned from her therapist- “What am I gonna do today for future me?” “What will future me appreciate?”

I immediately thought to myself- 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨!

Every night, the sink has to be empty and the dishwasher running. No matter what. Future me is gonna smile in the morning when she wakes up to a clean kitchen. Amazing strategy, right? Set Future me up for success!

Here’s the problem.

I 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 to do it. It has to happen or I can’t go to sleep. Nothing can be left incomplete or I will wake up in the middle of the night, mentally penning the lists of tasks that I didn’t accomplish and couldn’t cross off- the things that future me will be smacked in the face with first thing in the morning.

The standard that I’ve set for myself is bullshit and ridiculous. I can’t sleep if there are dishes in my sink?! How ridiculous is that? Why?! Why am I this way? (insert anxiety here- waving her inconsiderate little hand to say hello).

So last night, I did a thing.

I left the dishes in the sink unwashed (ok, fine, I rinsed them off but I didn’t put them in the dishwasher. Baby steps). They stayed piled up in the sink and this horrific scene was the first thing I saw when I walked into my kitchen this morning.

And it was fine.

I always thought I was setting myself up for defeat if the first thing that furure me saw in the morning was work that was left unfinished. How could future me possibly have a good day when the first thing that she sees is a mess to be dealt with? She just walked down the stairs abe she’s already at a deficit.

But it was fine.

I loaded the dishwasher in 90 seconds with more energy than I would’ve been able to muster the night before.

It wasn’t the crushing blow that I had assumed I would’ve dealt future me by leaving her more work.

Today me,

Stop. Breathe. You don’t have to do all the things. Please try not to hold yourself to such an impossibly high standard. Tomorrow me is just as capable and competent. Give her more credit.

I love you. You look thin,