On a recent episode of my 𝙎𝙦𝙪𝙖𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙜𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙨 podcast, I discussed my decade-long struggle with eating disorders and how I finally “healed” from them (listen here).
I was enlightened to learn from Rebecca Eyre, CEO of Project Heal, that I’m not as “healed” as I thought I was. While I may no longer practice the abusive behaviors that were destroying my body (#bulimia #anorexia #exercisebulimia), my 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙 hasn’t healed.
I live my life with balance to maintain my weight. I own that. I lift heavy to keep my metabolism running more efficiently, I practice mindful eating (so I’m never starving my body or getting too full) and I enjoy cocktails daily so I never feel deprived of what I want (margaritas!!).
I finally found true happiness and self-love but that happened to come about when I found my 𝙥𝙝𝙮𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡 ideal. I know now that I still use fat-phobic language that can be triggering to those still in the struggle. I’m grateful that this was brought to my attention because it’s the last thing that I would want to do. When I talk about how “by lifting heavy and eating more often, I finally lost the weight,” I am making weight loss the goal. I do realize that a lot of the women that I encourage to live with balance are frustrated that they aren’t losing weight (and my tips 𝙘𝙖𝙣 help you with that!) but weight loss should not be the ultimate goal. That goal should be truly loving yourself at any size. . . and I admit that I’m not there yet.
I will continue to live my healthy lifestyle of balance and work to inspire other women to find balance in their own lives. Balance 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠𝙨 for me. I am truly happy in my physical body but I still have a long way to go, mentally, and I’m owning that. In order to truly heal, I’ve learned that I need to find self-love at 𝙖𝙣𝙮 size. No matter what.
The journey continues. . . will you join me on it?